I attended a recent book signing in Davenport. Let’s just say I had a lot of free time on my hands. I did sign a few books and talked with several nice people who at least feigned interest in why I was sitting at a table in the middle of Barnes and Noble. The B&N staff were very nice and accommodating.

Most of the following interactions are a product of a bored writer’s mind. It would have made the afternoon much more entertaining. I take credit for all the fictional smart-aleck answers.

Q: Did you write this book?

A: No, my twin brother did. But he just signed up for the freedom fighters movement against Trump Nation.

Q: Where’s the bathroom? I think it’s an emergency

A: In Younkers down the hall. Yikes! It sucks to be you.

Q: Cool bookmarks. Are they free?

A: No, they are $15 but you get a free book with it.

Q. Are you the guy giving away the free caramel frappuccinos?

A. Yes, but I drank them all. They were delicious by the way.

Q. How long did it take you to write the book?

A. About a weekend, but it took six more months after an editor told me I needed to include verbs.

Q. Do you know where I can find Orange Julius?

A. Sure. Go to Younkers and take a right. Then head toward Kohls but veer left where the Radio Shack used to be. When you get to Penneys ask them to direct you to Sears store. When you get to Sears, uh, what was it you asked again?

Q. (Real interaction with a woman, perhaps in her mid to late 70s, who picked up a copy to look at). Oh the Sisters of Verdina, is it a romance?

A. It’s the Seers of Verde, etc. It’s a science fiction. (The nice lady drops it back on the pile as if she’s been burned, sniffs and says, “Oh, I don’t read those!”)

My question to a fellow author sitting about 30 feet away: Where’s the bathroom?

She flashes a sly smile and points to her left. I start down the hallway then get lost among the shelves. She wouldn’t have misdirected me would she?